How woman responds to niece’s stillborn at 38 weeks sparks outrage

A heated family dispute at a baby shower has sparked outrage online after a woman’s comments about her niece’s stillborn child led to her being physically removed from the event.

The incident, detailed in a Reddit post by user u/Dizzy_Maize_7364, has received more than 14,000 upvotes since it was shared on March 12.

The poster, a 47-year-old woman, shared that her 25-year-old daughter is 26 weeks pregnant with her second child, a girl. Two years ago, the daughter experienced the stillbirth of her first child, Phillip, at 38 weeks. The devastating loss led her to ask family members to remove the nursery and baby equipment before she returned home, keeping only a few cherished mementos in a memory box.

According to the poster, her sister-in-law Rachel, 43, was highly critical of this decision at the time, describing it as “hysterical” and “ridiculous.” The family ultimately distanced themselves from Rachel until she agreed to stop bringing up the topic.

However, tensions reignited at the recent baby shower for the poster’s daughter. Rachel allegedly made quiet remarks throughout the event, criticizing the idea of a shower for a second child as “tacky.” But the situation escalated dramatically when gifts were being opened.

Rachel loudly said: “If you hadn’t torn Phillip’s nursery apart and gotten rid of everything, you wouldn’t be here begging for presents for this baby.”

The cruel remark left the poster’s daughter in shock, with tears running down her face. The poster immediately stepped in, asking Rachel to leave. When she refused, the poster removed Rachel’s gift from the pile, threw it out the door and yelled: “Get out, NOW!!!” The poster’s husband then physically picked up Rachel and placed her outside.

The daughter’s sensitivity around the situation in the viral post is understandable because “parents who experience stillbirth have a considerably higher risk of reporting symptoms of depression, anxiety and PTSD [post-traumatic stress disorder] compared with parents with live births,” noted a November 2021 study in BMC Pregnancy Childbirth.

‘Stunning Lack of Boundaries’ and ‘Indefensible’

The confrontation has since divided the family, with some believing the poster overreacted, while others argue that Rachel’s behavior justified the response.

Renee Zavislak, a licensed marriage and family therapist and host of Psycho Therapist: The Podcast, told Newsweek that, in most cases, throwing a present and physically removing a family member would be excessive. However, she made an exception in this case.

“Rachel demonstrated an abject lack of empathy for her niece, who endured one of the most painful human experiences possible, and then went on to demonstrate a stunning lack of boundaries with her insults and criticism,” Zavislak said.

She also commended the poster and her husband for taking action. “I am impressed that the poster managed to be polite in her initial request that Rachel leave. Any caring parent, when faced with this kind of cruelty toward their already hurt child, will do whatever is necessary to stop that cruelty—and the poster and her husband did exactly that.”

Zavislak further noted that baby showers serve as a celebration of new life and support for the expectant mother. Given Rachel’s strong disapproval, the therapist said, she should have chosen not to attend rather than disrupt the event.

“To attend and cause more suffering to the mom is indefensible, as was her refusal to leave after doing so,” Zavislak said.

“I encourage the family to decide how they will set and maintain firm boundaries with Rachel to ensure she does no more damage to the new parents or anyone else in the family. Excluding her from family gatherings until she delivers an appropriate apology and promise to stand down from her abusive approach is an entirely appropriate boundary in this situation,” Zavislak added.

In a later update, the poster said that, following a family meeting, which didn’t include Rachel, “the family consensus is that Rachel is unequivocally to blame and should not be allowed to be around my daughters or their kids”; she will “no longer be included in large family gatherings.”

‘Cruel, Thoughtless Remarks’

The incident in the Reddit post drew widespread support for the original poster, with commenters overwhelmingly condemning Rachel’s actions.

U/Pleasant_Test_6088 wrote: “If anything, you were overly generous by trying to ignore her cruel, thoughtless remarks prior to the final horrific outburst. Your daughter’s welfare was your priority and must remain so. I can’t imagine how heartbreaking the loss of her baby was and to reminded of that so callously is unbelievable. Your SIL [sister-in-law] took a joyous occasion, one full of hope and promise, and poured acid all over it. You and your husband both should be commended for your restraint.”

U/Ready_Revolution5023 agreed, saying “Absolutely, and OP’s [the original poster’s] husband is the GOAT [greatest of all time] for physically removing her. NTA.”

U/untakentakenusername noted: “You are a family of grace as you gracefully handled this so politely … I would have never had the restraint. I think everyone else in the family can keep their opinions to themselves. And frankly they should have been on your side and your daughters side.”

U/bygeez asked: “How is the family ‘divided’ about this ?? What she said was totally unacceptable and you 100 percent did the right thing by asking her to leave … thankfully Your husband also did the right thing by physically removing her …”

Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment via the Reddit messaging system.

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