Bride-to-be “shutting down” friend’s attempt to attend bachelorette backed

Trying to organize a large group of people can be tricky at the best of times—especially when it comes to finding a date that you are all free. One woman has shared her bachelorette party struggle on Reddit.

The post, titled: “AITA for refusing to change my bachelorette trip date and shutting down a friend’s attempts to reschedule?” has gathered 5,300 upvotes since it was shared on March 9.

The woman, who goes by u/Maki_M, explained that she is getting married this year and has been planning a trip for a group of 16. However, one friend is making the process somewhat problematic.

According to a YouGov poll, 58 percent of 1,000 people who’ve been to one have a positive opinion of bachelor/bachelorette parties. The events ranked in second-to-last place—only behind funerals—in the share of attendees who say they hate or dislike them (29 percent).

The fiancée explained that she made scheduling “fair” by asking everyone to send the dates they were unavailable. So she picked a date and announced it.

She said: “That same day, one of my closest friends suddenly said she had been planning a trip around that time. However, she had never mentioned it before, hadn’t booked flights, and was only reconsidering her dates because someone told her the destination might be crowded.

“Since the condition for choosing my trip date was to prioritize the availability of the most people, I explained to her three separate times why that date was final. Despite that, she kept trying to change it. She even created another poll in our group chat to see if others could move their own important plans to accommodate her.”

The friend went on to privately message people to ask them to say they could be flexible—what happened next has gained support from many Reddit users.

She said: “At first, I didn’t directly call her out in the chat, but after she made a second poll, I sent a general message stating that the date was already chosen and wasn’t changing. Now, she’s upset and claims I embarrassed her by ‘calling her out’ instead of speaking to her privately—even though I had already tried three times.

“I have no intention of changing the date, and honestly, I’m not planning to apologize because I don’t think I did anything wrong.”

Newsweek reached out to u/Maki_M for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

Expert Advice

Zoe Burke, leading wedding expert and editor of Hitched.co.uk, advised the best way to go about agreeing on a bachelorette party date.

She told Newsweek: “I find the best thing is to do is shortlist a series of dates that you know all the main players can attend—the nearly-wed, their wedding party members and family. Then open those options up to the rest of the group and go for the one that gets the most votes.

“It can feel brutal, especially if someone is upset that they can’t make the chosen date, but it’s the only way to manage a large-scale group trip.

“I would always recommend planning it a year in advance—if someone already has plans a year away, they’re likely so important that they’d outweigh the hen do, or they have enough notice to rearrange them if they really want to go.”

Reddit Reacts

As of now, the post has almost 180 comments, and the top one has 5,200 upvotes.

It says: “NTA. You did your best, and your ‘friend’ is doing her darndest to dull the shine of your celebration. At this point, I would state plainly, publicly: ‘(Mary), I have spoken with you multiple times in private, and this now makes twice publicly. The date of my bachelorette is set and will not be changed.

“If you continue to press the issue so you can go on a vacation you haven’t even bothered to book yet (and only decided to make an issue of after I announced the bachelorette date), then you will quickly find yourself disinvited from the bachelorette and possibly the related celebrations as well. Then your personal and ever-changing schedule will no longer be an issue. Enough is enough.'”

“I would uninvite her altogether. She is just going to be a bitter problem throughout the trip,” said another user, and a third commenter added: “NTA. This friend has to accept she can’t go, and that’s on her. Her behavior is way out of line. I feel I have to say: 16 people is too many for a destination bachelorette party. You just need to accept that not everyone will be able to make it.”

Has a wedding come between your relationship with a loved one? Let us know via [email protected]. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.